Dear God - I'm worried Part 2

For example - saving for the future.
<cos this is what's bugging me these days, comes with the age xp>
Say you want to save. You calculate N months and you get this much. Math is easy. Life, however, is tricky. The time in between the N months will never be easy. It's a struggle. At least, that's what makes reaching a goal fulfilling! In our plans, the goals are attainable but in reality, the journey towards it will never be that simple for we have emotions. We think but we still feel.


No, I'm not saying that we are helpless; that our lives are just our 'luck's. If we come to think of it, we aren't. To begin with, we have been blessed with our intrinsic qualities. We have our natural abilities and we can hone our skills. Also, there is a lot of help available if the former shouldn't be enough. We co-exist right? We are not an 'isolated case'. Furthermore, we are blessed with our family and friends; our society. To a certain extent, we are also a product of our experiences and choices. And although, we feel exhausted from time to time, we are also given breaks which should be gladly taken and used - not postponed. We should avoid the tendency to be greedy <talking to myself>. We should be able to make a sound judgment as to what we really need.

What I am saying is - we are well equipped and seasoned to handle our circumstances. Can it get any simpler than that?! However, rising above one's own burdens and adversities is another story. The actual thing is blinding. On the process, we often only see from our standpoint; what's evident and clear. We forget that man as we are, we are very limited. We couldn't do it alone. If one thinks he can succeed without any help from others, be it - which just reminds me of the 'king' from the book "The Little Prince". He thinks that he rules over a planet but how can he not command the sun to set? Got it?

But, we have to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong in having others help see us through. There is nothing wrong in admitting our inadequacy. There is nothing wrong in believing and putting our trust in an absolute being. Only then can we humbly say our prayers.

Nonetheless, we pray for this and we get that. Isn't it frustrating? In Philo, it has been said, though, that there are a lot means but only one end. The end goal is that which is of more importance. But then again, do we know our end goals?!

They say that we must be specific when we pray. As for me, I'm not sure if my prayers fit into the definition of specific but blessed as I am, I have been granted a lot of my fervent hopes. As I recall the prayers I've said, I realized that I'm not the kind who actually prays for world peace nor for the needy. If this should be of any help, the gist of mine has always been for my family. I've always prayed for my family's health, safety, and long life. I pray that they be given these so that they may be able to enjoy the fruits of my labour with God's grace. The same prayer for myself so that I may be able to continually provide for them. I pray that those who prays for them and helps them be blessed double! Perhaps, that is why it's been often answered?!

As such, upon contemplating these thoughts, I somehow felt better. I am happy to have my own share of hardships and good times that enabled me to be what and who I am right now; justified the cause of my worries and happiness; made me know myself better.

Recalling:
As a child, my father was a mechanic and it wasn't easy for my parents to make both ends meet with 3 kids studying in a private school. In spite of that, I saw how my parents were generous to us. My father used to bring home 'pasalubong' often. When he gets home, I always check his tattered bag for one!
I felt grateful for that.

As a child, I wanted a lot of things but my parents would sit with us transparently doing the budget to make us understand that such is only what we have and what we 'want' isn't always reasonable.
I felt involved in family matters - that I, too, need to contribute for our betterment.

As a child, my parents were not that strict with me. I was allowed to go catch spiders; play outside until the sun sets; come home with blades of grass on my shirts and all messed up; get bruised and fall on the bike; buy marbles, rubber bands with some pennies; spend after school hours at the neighborhood etc.
I felt I was trusted and free to explore without them worrying so much.

As a child, I've learned to work on my school assignments alone.
I would ask my mother the meaning of a word and she would just tell me "you ask mr.webster (dictionary)".
I felt that I could do something on my own too - that I am capable.

As a teen, I've had good school friends who I still get to meet when I go home - a few were the ones with me in Hong Kong. The others, I spent time days before I had to go back here. From elementary to high school, we enjoyed each other's company. I felt that a few good friends can be enough.

As a student, although I wasn't the best in class, I still felt the appreciation from my teachers. It boost my confidence.

College life was a bit difficult for me though.
It was the time when I sometimes had to make promissory notes to the cashier.
It was the time when we (same with my classmates also) experienced culture shock in school.
It was the time when I thought I was good enough.. only to meet others who are just exceptional.
It was a five-year endless competition among approximately 20 other equally talented individuals who I respect and have gone through a lot also. We were all determined to be the best in our own ways :)

That time, my parents were trying out their luck in some other place to make money as my father was retiring. My sister had a college assurance plan at that time for her college. My brother went to a government school for a vocational course which was cheap while I was privileged to go to Ateneo to study engineering only, I had no educational plans! I wasn't a scholar either. That meant, all the hard work of my parents basically was directed to me. Having marked a good rating in the board exams kept my parents' hopes up.

These, among others, are the reasons of my worries. I worry too much because I feel that I must be able to lead a good life - a life that's expected of me and I feel very much responsible for my family. I want to be able to give them comfortable lives. My parents are not getting any younger and so am I. That's why, as much as I could, I work hard for them.

However, as I've acknowledged, one can only do so much. And worrying won't do me any good. So perhaps, it's time to move on.. still do my best but let time take its course; let Him do the rest. Believe.. for life will always be a leap of faith!

But, thank God for all that has been, that is and will be.
"We obtain from Him as much as we hope for."